Monday, October 11, 2010

Tears of Exhaustion

Cavan has been a sick little guy for the last four days. He has a huge canker sore on the inside of his bottom lip. The sore makes it hard for him to eat, sleep and play. So for the last four days our lives have been pretty miserable. He will only sleep for half an hour at a time at night then wakes up screaming. He has been hitting, biting, kicking and all out waging war on Hunter, Matt and I.

On Friday I realized I really did not want to cook a big Thanksgiving supper. No one had invited us out, so I hit an all time low. I begged on facebook for someone to take us in. Yes. I really did. One of Matt's co-workers felt sorry for us and invited us to her big potluck. Hunter was on his best behaviour! Cavan.... not so much. He was into everything. Then I sat down on the floor with him and a huge plate of the most amazing food you could imagine. He kept pointing to the food, but every bite I put in his mouth he spit out onto the floor. The he started jumping around, screaming, pointing at food, turning away from the food and on and on. Then the grande finale- he screams and hits my plate of supper, dumping it all over me. I was on the verge of tears. I got it all scooped up on the plate, grabbed the kid, left Matt and Hunter behind and headed for home.

On the drive home I was in tears. I was upset that we couldn't enjoy such a lovely supper and worried about how disruptive we had been. Then I was in tears thinking maybe this is why no one invited us to a supper this year- because a toddler and little boy can be a bit disruptive. Then I was in tears when Cavan kept repeating the word, "Bad" from the backseat. Nothing like that feeling of being a horrible mother.

We got in the door, Cavan cried while sucking back a sippy cup of milk and I put his pj's on him. It was only 5:30pm, but I knew he was exhausted so I tucked him and his stuffed puppy and marten into the crib. He hasn't made a peep since.

After three nights of nearly no sleep we are both giving in to our tears of exhaustion.


Ann said...

Sorry it was so hard for you. Trust me, they do grow past this and become normal human beings. Thinking of you lots.

Tina said...

You're a great mom and we love you. I'll take your two toddlers and their bawling mom at my house for dinner anytime. I'll even dump my food on myself if it makes you feel better.

Christine said...

Oh, Kara..that sucks! I have been there many times..some just this past week. I often think I spend more time yelling at my kids than talking to them. No ones kids are perfect all the time and if they had or have kids I am sure they happens :) tommorow will be a better day!!

Carole said...

Sorry to hear about your shitty, I mean, teary day. It can't be easy, but don't be too hard on yourself. There are better days ahead.

Thinking of you.

noinvitationrequired said...

I have numerous 'horrible mother' feelings, as I'm sure most moms do (I probably couldn't be friends with a mom that couldn't admit that:) but when you are exhausted, there is only so much you can do - and doing your best is what makes you a great mom! I sure hope you get some sleep, and that Cavan starts feeling better....lack of sleep brings out the worst in all of us!

Anonymous said...

Awe kara, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like parenting though. Garrett is definitely acting out a whole bunch while we are branching out down here... we just got home from Grandma and Grandpas for turkey dinner and he was a monster there. No nap this afternoon either (means more of a monster). Hang in there sweetie. Sending hugs and more hugs.

Johanna said...

I'm so so sorry Kara. I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you guys. You are an excellent mama and your boys are sweethearts....but even the best kids can have horrible days....thinking o fyou. xox

Erica said...

I'm sorry things did not go well! I'd have you over for supper any time, if you were not the person who makes supper for me. I would even put away the sharp things around the living room, and arrange to have more than three measly stuffed animals ^_^

Leanne Diplock said...

Hugs. I had something similar this past week. Isabelle my oldest (31 mths) was overtired and every night it's a battle to get her to eat. She's just decided that she won't eat her food unless it's a nugget, a fry, mac n cheese, etc. Any ways, after a usual dinner battle she told me she was too tired to eat.

I told her she would have to go to bed if she was too tired to eat. She said "okay". I knew right there that I had to follow though. I got her dressed and in to bed. She started crying, but she really truly was tired. She begged me to lay with her, saying she was sorry she was sleepy over and over. I had to say good night and leave the room.

And of course as we are bathing the twins (18mths) I can hear her wailing away. I just sat by the bathroom door and cried because I was tired of the battle we have every night for dinner, tired because I too was over tired. And because even though I knew I was doing the right thing, I felt terrbible. I wanted so badly to go in her room and hold her and tell her it was okay. But I couldn't. Being a parent is hard. And who makes us feel better? So hugs to you and your bad day.

Anonymous said...

Oh Kara! What to say? I agree with all of the other commenters. I totally empathize and am send you lots of hugs (and energy) your way!

In Iqaluit

jozien said...

oh dear, oh dear.
I've been there:) gosh that's long time ago, that way.(i think mine were worse:) Now my upsets are more just me, nobody really cares, nor reacts, it's funny)
Don and i had thanksgiving supper, just the two of us, lovely. On monday neighbors with two toddlers did come over, agggghr, no i'm kidding, i loved it and i just sit and let them be, keeping one eye on them to see if the damage is not too bad. And you know i love it, to see it all, and really being happy that i came through that somehow and am were i am now.
I sound old, agggrh
One more note, Alexander does remember 'certain' things, will bring it up, to make me feel bad, but loves me anyway.