Thursday, July 31, 2008

For Michael!

Michael over at Michael's Meanderings sounds like he is having some fun with a kitty giving him nice "gifts" of voles and birds. I think it is hilarious, but doesn't sound like he is enjoying it all that much. MMmmmm vole stew...

A friend of mine forwarded this email (thanks for the laugh Lana!) to me and I got a real kick out of it. I think you will enjoy it as well Michael!! And don't worry about Jade seeing a dead/dying little critters- good for kids to learn about that stuff- I loved animals, dead or alive, when I was a kid and it led me to a degree in wildlife and a wicked passion for the outdoors and critters of all kinds. Betcha can't wait until Jade brings home her first dead animal she found on the road.... or a bunch of baby mice.... and then a 18 year old boy friend... hehehe parenthood is a riot!!!

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary . ..

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in a elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................


Meandering Michael said...

Too funny! I think that is a MUCH more accurate interpretation of what's going through my cat's mind than "Great master, I present you with this gift as a sign of my esteem and respect."

Jennith said...

Thank you for sharing that it was hilarious :D

Tigger said...

I sent a copy of that to my Mom (2 dogs, numerous cats!) I am sure she will find it an accurate description of life in her house!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Kara!! I've read the dog/cat diary before, but I'm glad I got to read it again! It always makes me laugh!!