To combat it this year I resolved to keep myself busy, really busy. And it is definitely helping. Here is what I am doing to keep myself on the go:
- I have started to go to the gym with a friend. This is week two of the gym and I love it. We go at 6:30am three days a week. I figured I am up anyways so why not do something productive with that time! Right now it is just a 25 minute work out with weight to a dvd, but we plan on working ourselves up to an hour over the next few months.
- I am sewing like a mad woman! A friend has hooked me up to have a craft table for two days during the Sourdough Rendezvous in Whitehorse. Everyday I am working on new projects plus still doing the custom orders that are still coming in. I want to have a full table and finger crossed I come home with less than I take!
- Lots and lots of outside time. During the week the boys and I have been playing outside, either walking or climbing the snow hill. Outdoor time always energizes me.
- Keeping my house clean and organized. I have been putting more energy into keeping the house looking nice, although some days I opt to sew instead of clean!
- I received a new cookbook a couple of weeks ago and each day I am picking out something new to try for supper. It is so nice to get out of the rut of cooking the same few things for supper each week.
Well eating fudge for breakfast over Christmas definitely took its toll on me! I gained 14lbs over the holidays but managed to get 11lbs back off over January and now the last three just won't leave. In every other area of my life I seem to have my ducks in a row, but the eating just hasn't gotten in line. It seems I have two great days, two so-so days and then two craptacular days. I have come to the realization that it is a mental block.
Binge eating is a comfort for me as well as a habit. And old habits die hard. Sometimes I don't even notice that I just ate four arrowroot cookies when I get some out for the kids. My body just goes through the motions and my brain just shuts off. I also avoid feeling so many of my emotions, good or bad, and just eat instead. For example- I have applied to attend an arts festival in Inuvik this summer. I know my application to go is a bit of a long shot, but I thought what the hell I would apply anyway. The group called and asked me to resend my photos. I get a batch of nerves as I am sending them and before you know it I have stuffed my face with some of the kid's cookies and raisins. Eventually I am going to have to just let myself experience those feelings instead of numbing them with food.
I really want these three pounds gone so I can start on my next 50! There is just so much more work and at times it seems overwhelming. And there are days when I hate the results. As I lose the weight my skin is getting flappy. I really dislike what is happening to my stomach. After being pregnant and losing all this weight, I now have a really big.... I don't know what to call it... roll of skin and fat that hangs down below my belly button. I really, really hate it! I have pants that should fit me now, and are loose everywhere but over my lower stomach. So when I wear pants that fit over that, they are big everywhere else. I know it will just get worse as the weight comes off and I just need to deal with it until I hit my 150lb goal. Once I hit that I am going to reward my poor body that I have destroyed over the years with a tummy tuck, boob lift and getting rid of other loose skin. Now that I am looking forward to!
This year I am going to make it through February with ALL of my ducks in a row and hopefully I won't be an emotional mess at the end of it!