Turkey- Glorious Smoked Turkey!

Yesterday the turkey hung out in the cooler in a juicy brine.

Today it hung out in the smoker until it was cooked to perfection!

I think we have discovered our new favorite turkey cooking method.

Turkey brine: apple juice, orange juice, water, coarse salt, brown sugar, nutmeg and cloves. And a curious kid.  It was cold enough that this just sat out on the deck during the day and overnight. 

How I love my Bradley Smoker!  This was just a few hours in at 240F and maple wood chips pucks.

And even more hours later.

Eight and a half hours later we had turkey perfection!  Moist and delicious.  Yum!

Floundering And Needing Support

Why does it all hit at once?

The dark is back and my body wants to hibernate.  My body craves carbohydrates when it wants to hibernate.

The cold is back.  My body craves carbohydrates when it is cold.

My period is on these evil three week cycles for some hellish type of torture.  My body craves carbohydrates (plus chocolate) during my period.

I am freaking the fuck out about being under 200lbs.  My body craves any freaking food that is in within reach when I freak the fuck out.

I am about to hit my one year surgery anniversary and it is causing me a lot of anxiety.  Anxiety.... well you guessed it. 

Yes, I turn to food for everything in my life.  But I especially turn to foods that are poor choices when I feel stressed, agitated, angry, lazy....  all those emotions.

Right now my body needs protein.  I haven't been on-top of tracking my food and my hair is falling out again.   That is a key indicator that my protein is much too low.  My food choices have been poor- a bun instead of a slice of cheese and a veggie, a couple of cups of popcorn instead of a piece of moose sausage and veggie.  I am having a snack when I should just be drinking water or tea.  I am eating in the evenings when my body doesn't need it.  The food isn't horrible and everything I consume is small amounts, but I am still doing my body a disservice and I need to re-gain focus. 

A lot of it boils down to my anxiety at being under 200lbs and my one year surgery anniversary date looming.  So why be anxious about being under 200lbs?  I don't know.  A lot of it is guilt driven.  The guilt of weighing less than a lot of my friends/family right now is tremendous and I don't know how to move past it.  I cannot stop thinking about it.  I watch as friends and family almost seem to panic as soon as my weight approaches their own.  They hop on the newest diet or exercise bandwagon to try and lose some weight.  Part of me is happy for them, of course I want to see everyone successful in their own weight loss endeavors.  But then part of me is pissed off.  Why did they wait until my weight was almost on par with theirs?  It makes me feel pretty crappy when it really shouldn't.  Instead of feeling happy or excited that I have hit a new level in my weight loss, I just continue to feel that it will never be good enough.  Was I just that friend people wanted around so they could always feel better about themselves? 

Right now I feel like curling up and hibernating for a good 8 months.  I am seriously fucking fantastic at not showing how I feel.  Pro level.  If there was an Olympic sport titled "Emotional Baggage Stuffing" I would be getting a gold medal every two years since it would be at both the Summer and Winter Olympic Games. 

It is hard to find balance with my feelings.  It is easy for me to be happy all the time because that is how I like to feel!  I would rather be than than angry at the world girl.  So how to do I get these feelings out with destroying my day?

It kills me to write about it.  But I need to.  Tonight I just needed to get it all off my chest and already I am feeling some relief.  Hurray for this blog.  My semi-safe place to vent.  By venting here instead of just to myself on paper, it gives me accountability.  And I need the support.  Paper doesn't support me back.  Readers of my blog?  They are pretty fucking awesome.  Please give me the much needed kick in the ass I need to get past this bit of floundering.  Throw your advice at me for dealing with emotional baggage.  Tell me it will (or won't) get better; just be honest with me. 

**And if you are that friend or family member I was just whining about?  Sorry.  Just had to say it to get it off my chest.  I am happy for you, but be warned- I am still going to kick your ass in the weight loss department over the next year and I am going to learn how to feel good about it!

Who Did It?

Who did it?

That question gets asked multiple times a day.

Today we walked into the bathroom to see this:

Neither of them will fess up.  Hunter of course blames Cavan.  And Cavan?  Well he is rather elusive about it, but of course says it wasn't him.

My bets are on the little one playing spiderman/mountain climber/crazy monkey.

This is why I cannot have nice things.  Ever.

Slime!

I am always on the look out for fun crafts to do with the boys and came across a recipe for slime that we had to try out.

Cavan and I mixed it up together and it is interesting...  I was hoping it would hold together a bit more, but it is definitely slime!  Hunter's reaction to the slime was hilarious; he has never been a fan of getting his hands firty

My kitchen helper all ready to go!

Mix glue and water with food colouring and then add a mixture of borax and water.

Stir!

Oh my.

Hunter was not too impressed.

Slime!

Hi! I'm gregarious!

gre·gar·i·ous  (gr-gâr-s) 
adj.1. Seeking and enjoying the company of others; sociable.



The perfect September weather on Friday night was calling out to be enjoyed.  So a few phone calls were made, hot dogs were purchased, and a fire was started.  Before long, there were nearly forty adults and kids in our backyard enjoying themselves. 

I am most definitely an extrovert, but I still have introverted tendencies.  Most evenings I prefer to hide out in my house, on my own, sewing or watching some tv.  I know my limitations and know that I need those hours alone to recharge.  And I know that I am not comfortable in large groups of intoxicated peoples- like a bar setting.  But I sure do enjoy having a group of people over to enjoy some laughs and great weather!

Good times around the fire.

And good times on the back deck.

And then Cavan decided to put on a dancing show atop the Land Cruiser.

Good friends always make it more entertaining!

You can judge how much fun a kid has had by how dirty they are.  Cavan was at the peak of fun-ness.

Freezer Corn

A good friend nabbed me some delicious looking corn from Whitehorse and it is all now sitting in my freezer.

Every made freezer corn?  No?  Give it a try!  Super simple and oh, so delicious.

Kris's (my mama) Freezer Corn
24 ears of corn
1/2c sugar
1/2c butter
2tsp salt
3c water

Cut kernals off of cobs and put in large pot.  Add other ingredients and bring to a boil.  Cook for 5-7 minutes and then dump out into a large pan to cool.  Once cool, put into freezer bags and freeze.

Easy peasy!

Corn!

All finished!  24 cobs turned into 13 bags for the freezer.

11 Months Post-Surgery

It has been 11 months since my bariatric surgery and it is hard to believe that I am nearing the one year mark.

So what is new?  Not too much since last month.  I have lost another 5.5lbs since the 10 month mark.  My total is now 112.5lbs gone and I weigh 206.5lbs.

My goal when I started was to lose 150lbs and that is definitely within reach and probably within six or seven months.  I am now wearing extra-large to large size shirts and have moved into size 16 pants.  I can see bones and tendons in my hands and feet where before it was just pudge.  I can feel bones in my shoulders and my legs look longer.  Pretty awesome.

The not so awesome?  The batwings.  I swear I can fly.  The stomach flap.... oh how I hate it.  The weight is now starting to go from my thighs and in another few months I am totally going to be the Saggy Baggy Elephant.  And my boobs.  Oh should I say my pancakes.  But winter is coming, so I can hide that all under clothes and push up bras!

I am feeling pretty damn happy about how far I have come.  I like how my body is shaped and I think I am looking pretty good.  But I live in sweats and t-shirts.  My size is changing so fast; I go for clothing that is cheap and will live through a few size changes.  But there are days that I just want to look nice.  Next year, right?  I just keep telling myself not to waste my money on nice clothing right now.  When I get down to my goal weight I will just have to do a big spending spree/make over and get myself looking snazzy.  And snazzy for me is still an outfit that can be worn with rubber boots.  I am classy like that.

October should be the month where I break out of the two hundred's.  You know, I haven't been under 200 in probably 18 years.  Sad since I am just 33.  And I still have no concept of my new body size.  In my head I am still that woman who is well over 300 pounds.  I am still scared to sit in chairs even though I probably wouldn't break them now at this point.  I still feel like everyone is looking at me because I am the biggest person in the room, when I am not anymore.  I wonder if my brain will ever adjust?

And I know I say it every time I post about my surgery, but I really have to thank so many of the residents of Faro.  This community has been so supportive of me during the last year.  A day doesn't go by where I am not stopped by someone telling me how great of a job I am doing.  Those comments really keep going.  I have no clue how people get through this surgery without telling anyone (and it is very common!).  There is no way I could have kept this to myself and I am thankful everyday that I put myself and my experience out there.

So what can you look forward to next month in my update?  Well hopefully me being under 200 pounds.  And I am psyching myself up to show some real pictures of myself.  Real, as in not much clothing so people can see what it is really like when you lose this much weight.  Hopefully I have the guts enough to do it next month!  And hopefully I don't scare any readers away with the pictures!

And fully clothed pictures for you this month!

Here I am the night before my 33rd birthday.  A friend and I went berry picking and fishing.  I picked half a gallon of highbush cranberries and caught a little grayling.  Perfect pre-birthday evening for me.

I tried on my snowpants from last year!  Definitely need a new pair.  But check out how nice my boobies look in my new underwire bra I bought in Whitehorse!  Totally cannot tell they are pancakes in that over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder!