My photographer is in Whitehorse on course, so no new photos of my healing progression for you this week.
After my post last week where I really felt like I was falling apart at the seams, I was inundated with comments, messages, and even some friends coming over for an intervention. I started the day off trying not to cry and ended the day feeling so loved and supported, and full of ideas.
My friends brought up some good ideas for me to think about as I heal. Mostly on how to leave my past hurt and worries behind me and just focus on the future. I have gone through two extreme surgeries in order to be healthy and to feel normal. Yes, I just want to fit in; I don't want the stares, the looks of fear/disgust on the airplane as someone realizes they have to sit beside me, the snickers, the fat comments. I just want to feel normal. My friends emphasized that I am going to have difficulties feeling my new normal if I keep focusing on the past and it is true. I think I am still trying to heal my past, but I sometimes get wrapped up in it.
So how do I move on? How do I just be me in this new body? How do I just have normal days with those normal up and down feelings that everyone has? I don't really know, but I am going to work on it. Some other friends also suggested I start taking a B-complex vitamin every day to help with mood stability so I picked some up from town.
It is also hard right now to feel normal since I am still very uncomfortable all the time. I am still swollen, my tail bone feels like it is broken, and I itch all the time. Maybe once the pain has passed and I am full healed from this surgery it will become easier. It is also hard to feel like I am normal when I still have to be hyper vigilant about my eating. And I don't really think that will ever change. I am a food addict and when I get out of control with my eating it can be hard to pull it together again. Falling off the wagon hurts.
The feedback that I got from other people who have had both weight loss surgery and reconstructive surgery really made me feel at ease. What I am experiencing seems to be completely normal and there was a lot of encouragement given that it will just get better.
So I will trust in those that have been there and I will trust in those who love me and know that it will all be okay. Also that it is okay to have bad days. Everyone has them and it is just fine to hide away for a day and not feel bad about it.
A couple of photos for you all today. Of me. In clothing! GASP! I wear clothing? I know, you all thought I just walked around mostly naked all day.
|Just me. Pretending to be a normal person.|
|Helper Hunter snapped a photo for me today!|