Friday, May 4, 2012

Still so far to go.

I still have a long ways to go to hit my weight loss goal of weighing 170lbs.  At times, it feels very overwhelming. 

I have come a long ways, but I look at pictures of myself and still see how much further I have to go.  But those pictures of myself sure do look a lot better than they did a year ago.  Will I ever be happy with pictures of my body?

I am 235lbs today.  That is a huge accomplishment, but still so overweight.  Will I really be under 200lbs one day?  I haven't been under 200lbs since I was probably 14 or 15 years old.  Being 200lbs at 14 years old is pretty hellish.

Riding Betty the Quad around town yesterday, I noticed how much easier it was.  Last fall I was nearly 85lbs heavier and I didn't realize how little agility I had.

I feel guilty at times that I weigh less than some of my friends.  I want the same success for them.  I don't even know why I feel guilty about this.

I am playing squash a lot lately and am making shots I know I wouldn't have been able to do a year ago. But I want to hit all of those shots I am missing.  I am wanting to be even faster on my feet. 

I know I just have to be patient.  It will all coming with time and a hell of a lot of work. 

People are complimenting me all the time.  But in all reality, I am still very obese.  I don't know how I feel about that.  It is all still a struggle.  A struggle that I will probably deal with my entire life and that is exhausting to think about.

Well that is enough moping. 

I needed to vent, but now it is time to pull up my big girl panties and move on. 

I need to celebrate my accomplishments thus far.  Nearly 85lbs gone and 65 more to go!

11 comments:

noinvitationrequired said...

You are over half way there, so you are doing great....and it should read "pull up my 'not-so-big' girl panties':)

Lesley said...

You are more than half way to your goal and I know that you can do it! You have developed amazing habits. Don't feel guilty about not hitting all those squash shots... I don't think I could even connect with the ball! I've never been good at racquet sports! xo Lesley

Adriana said...

Kara, I think you are doing an amazing job and I know you will succeed and reach whatever goal you set for yourself. You should always try to look at the glass half full and you will achieve anything you dream of! Keep at it, girl! ;)

Sarah :) said...

I've been there. I understand how you feel. Truly. Wish we lived closer so we could talk more. I'm incredibly proud of you and inspired. ((Hug))

Gen said...

Hey beautiful. Have you read anything on the psychological impacts post-surgery? Perhaps this would help cope better.

Morena said...

The head is the hardest part for sure. I've heard from lots of people (ok on Oprah but still) that have that kind of weight loss that they still feel fat even though they are clearly not. It's the addiction talking... work the program girl! You're doing great.

jen said...

You deserve compliments because your a rock star who has accomplished a lot! In reality, I'm technically obese. We all deserve compliments no matte Right now your going a mile a minute, hopefully when it all slows down, you can find your balance. Make sure to tell yourself your worth it, because we all think you are!

Megan said...

You are doing FANTASTIC.

Scruffy said...

You are an inspiration. End of my comment.

Art said...

Obviously you are a talented artist, good wife and devoted mother. You're changing your life for your children so you can be their for your children's children. Stay committed. It's a long journey with lifelong rewards which deserves all you can put into it. Hang in there!!

Trish said...

Look at yourself in the mirror and start with one thing that you like about yourself. I would start with your smile, I love your smile. Then start to add things. Your collarbones, which are popping by the way. Get all the way down until you like silly things; when I'm at the gym, I like the way when I'm sitting at a weight bench and lean forward to rest between reps the way I can feel by back muscles stretch slightly, makes me feel powerful and strong. You don't have to like everything about yourself, but don't hate yourself and don't feel guilty when you do start to like yourself. You need to take care of and love yourself most importantly, love your husbands wife, and love your childrens mother. Hugs!!