I still have a long ways to go to hit my weight loss goal of weighing 170lbs. At times, it feels very overwhelming.
I have come a long ways, but I look at pictures of myself and still see how much further I have to go. But those pictures of myself sure do look a lot better than they did a year ago. Will I ever be happy with pictures of my body?
I am 235lbs today. That is a huge accomplishment, but still so overweight. Will I really be under 200lbs one day? I haven't been under 200lbs since I was probably 14 or 15 years old. Being 200lbs at 14 years old is pretty hellish.
Riding Betty the Quad around town yesterday, I noticed how much easier it was. Last fall I was nearly 85lbs heavier and I didn't realize how little agility I had.
I feel guilty at times that I weigh less than some of my friends. I want the same success for them. I don't even know why I feel guilty about this.
I am playing squash a lot lately and am making shots I know I wouldn't have been able to do a year ago. But I want to hit all of those shots I am missing. I am wanting to be even faster on my feet.
I know I just have to be patient. It will all coming with time and a hell of a lot of work.
People are complimenting me all the time. But in all reality, I am still very obese. I don't know how I feel about that. It is all still a struggle. A struggle that I will probably deal with my entire life and that is exhausting to think about.
Well that is enough moping.
I needed to vent, but now it is time to pull up my big girl panties and move on.
I need to celebrate my accomplishments thus far. Nearly 85lbs gone and 65 more to go!