Since having Cavan I have felt very happy! No problems other than trying to get my hemoglobin levels back up (probably should have had some blood transfusions, but ah well!).
But while on vacation I noticed myself going back to some old, nasty habits. I am a compulsive overeater/ binge eater. During my last year of university I found an excellent counselor who helped me identify my problems and find the tools needed to get it under control. I binge when I am emotional and it doesn't matter the emotion. Happy, sad, mad.... I eat for all of them. Eventually I become so out of tune with myself that I don't even know the reason I am eating. But when I eat I am happy.
In the last two months I realized I have gained about 15lbs. Pretty scary stuff since I had not gone up in weight for the last three years. I even maintained my weight during my pregnancies, and even lost weight during those times (don't worry, I was not dieting, it is just what my body did). Not gaining weight for three years was a huge success for me. Prior to this my weight had gone up every year.
So on the drive back home to Faro I thought a lot about those tools I learned during that year of counseling and am putting them back to work. The house has been cleared out of all trigger foods (foods that make me want to eat), I am tracking my food intake and planning meals ahead of time. I grabbed out all of my books on binge eating and am reviewing them again.
Now it should be interesting to see what happens. I really don't know why I started eating again. But once I "get clean" I should start feeling more emotion and get to the bottom of it. I am thinking I have some postpartum depression and I turned to food without even realizing it so I could cope.
So here's to seeing what is underneath it all! Hopefully my regular happy self emerges binge free in a few weeks.