Friday, July 31, 2009

Postpartum Depression Perhaps?

Since having Cavan I have felt very happy! No problems other than trying to get my hemoglobin levels back up (probably should have had some blood transfusions, but ah well!).

But while on vacation I noticed myself going back to some old, nasty habits. I am a compulsive overeater/ binge eater. During my last year of university I found an excellent counselor who helped me identify my problems and find the tools needed to get it under control. I binge when I am emotional and it doesn't matter the emotion. Happy, sad, mad.... I eat for all of them. Eventually I become so out of tune with myself that I don't even know the reason I am eating. But when I eat I am happy.

In the last two months I realized I have gained about 15lbs. Pretty scary stuff since I had not gone up in weight for the last three years. I even maintained my weight during my pregnancies, and even lost weight during those times (don't worry, I was not dieting, it is just what my body did). Not gaining weight for three years was a huge success for me. Prior to this my weight had gone up every year.

So on the drive back home to Faro I thought a lot about those tools I learned during that year of counseling and am putting them back to work. The house has been cleared out of all trigger foods (foods that make me want to eat), I am tracking my food intake and planning meals ahead of time. I grabbed out all of my books on binge eating and am reviewing them again.

Now it should be interesting to see what happens. I really don't know why I started eating again. But once I "get clean" I should start feeling more emotion and get to the bottom of it. I am thinking I have some postpartum depression and I turned to food without even realizing it so I could cope.

So here's to seeing what is underneath it all! Hopefully my regular happy self emerges binge free in a few weeks.


Jackie S. Quire said...

I know how you feel, Kara. Aside from the PDP bit, food is a therapy for me too. I feel happy, I celebrate by eating. I feel sad, I console myself with a guilty pleasure.
Breaking those habits can be so hard. And so easy to slip back into.
Best of luck :)

deiss said...

You have amazing strength and I know you will find that core to draw on again. Remember that stress can be both negative and positive! It's small steps getting back on track and this time you have new shoes to put on and the boys to throw in the wagon along with you. Love you bunches WONDER GIRL #1!

In Iqaluit said...

I love your honesty Kara. Recognizing it and talking about it is great. I hope you have success in dealing with this.

Keep us updated, if you can. I am a huge fan of you and your blog and always want to know what you are up to and how you feel. But also because I wonder if I am in the same boat too (eating and PPD).

Anonymous said...

Best of luck to a wonderfully strong and wise woman.

Tina said...

LOVE YOU!!! We are looking at buying a camper, want to plan a trip to meet next summer??? :)

cuz heather said...

kara, Your honesty is just one of you beautiful qualities! As so many of us can see. Read your books and use those tools! I am OCD and most my family doesn't know.(And hey, you are family!) I hid it very well from people. Came on when my hubby became ill - gee, could control have anything to do with it?Hmmmmmmm. I know you have the strength. You are a "I'll take the high road out of this gal". Strong mind - strong body - remember that. You will be in my prayers kiddo.

Megan said...

You can do it. You didn't know me when I was larger, but I lost a third of my body weight about two years ago. It took a lot of focus, but I know you have even more of that than I do!

Best of luck.

Morena said...

I too have been constant gainer. I applaud you for having the drive recognise your issues and do something about it. Good luck! I look forward to hearing your success story.

Gen said...

Here's to self awareness! Good luck on your journey.