The six feet of scars I have from my reconstructive skin surgery are nothing in comparison to the emotional scars I have from a lifetime of obesity.
The hurtful comments.
Being left out.
Being left behind.
Children pointing and laughing.
Adults pointing and laughing.
Those emotional scars have left in their wake a woman with feelings of very little self worth, very little self esteem, and very little self confidence.
Not really how I pictured myself nearly three years out of having weight loss surgery. I dreamt I would feel amazing, not just physically but emotionally. But I am just not there yet.
I have my up weeks and then my down days. Thankfully my up time lasts a lot longer than my down, but that down time is absolutely exhausting. Is this just normal? Does everyone experience this?
I am still learning how to deal with my emotions without eating. I am not used to feeling these ups and downs and I really don't know how to deal with them. I would rather just binge eat instead of feeling those bleak moments. The emotions overwhelm me and I don't know what to do. I retreat inwards, shut down, feel lost and alone.
It is hard not having anyone to talk to in person who understands what I am experiencing. I have friends online that I can talk to who have had dramatic weight loss, and many of them are going through the same experiences. At least I know I am not alone.
|Getting in some quiet time; trying to recharge after a hard week.|