The last couple of weeks have been busy and fun, however they have not been productive on the weight loss front.
I think I have hit a bit of a mental block (and the large quantity to birthday cake didn't help either). I have been overweight pretty much my entire life. There has never been a point where I have liked my body. Over the last few years I have grown to appreciate it more for what it can do, such as grow another human being. Does it sound odd when I say I like me, but not my body?
The dark part of my brain keeps telling me why bother? Why will things be better if you lose 50lbs? Or 150lbs? You have hated your body at every weight you have been at, so what is the point? I feel as though I am sabotaging myself in little ways each day.
Now the brighter, smarter part of my brain knows the truth- getting this weight off will improve my health, I will live longer and I will be able to keep up to my kids. Even though I know this, why can't I stop the excess eating?
I think this is where the dark side of having an addiction comes out. I am a diagnosed compulsive over-eater/binge eater. Having a food addiction isn't much different than any other addiction such as alcohol or drugs. What I need to do is go back to the lessons I learned in my year of counseling and put them back into practice and I need to do this every day. It is just too bad that people realize that giving a beer to a recovering alcohol is bad, but offering a big piece of cake to me is fine. I dream of a world without food!
And ending on a good note- even though I haven't had the best couple of weeks, I haven't gained back any of my thirty pounds. So everyone, keep harassing me every day. Tell me to walk out of my kitchen, that my quality of life will improve, that it is all worth it. Thanks everyone!
13 comments:
Way to go Kara! You've already come so far and now that mental warfare begins. And you can beat that too! Remember: food is the fuel for the body and the reason you can love your kids so hard. So make sure its good healthy food!
kitchen bad ... outdoors good.
And keep it up buddy! You're my inspiration over here!
I feel your pain... I'm still hovering at the 50 lbs. I feel like I'm still doing things the same, and working out more but the scale just isn't moving. It's frustrating. It makes me upset and then all I can think of is hamburgers and Maltesers.
I have the same problem with people. I don't understand why people don't get how hard it is for us to turn away food. They are always like oh you can't restrict yourself all the time, one little piece won't hurt etc. Sometimes I get paranoid and think they are trying to sabotage me.
You're doing great, Kara! I can only imagine the strength you have to find at every meal (not to mention in between!) Keep following that diet plan from the website to stay on track!
Kara, I hear you loud and clear on this one. It is so difficult when you can't seem to find the motivation that got you started. I, too, have likened the food addiction to the smoking and drinking ones before. You are right, some people just don't get it. All I can say is hang in there. Have you changed your exercise plan at all? Up the intensity or do something new - it should jolt your system back into losing. Also, make sure you are tracking your calories diligently. Maybe try calorie cycling. Don't lose hope you will get there eventually.
For the love of god don't fall off the wagon now. You're the voice in my head that tells me to get my lazy ass off the couch and out walking! :)
I could have written this. I consider myself a skinny glutton (the food addict's version of the sober alcoholic).
You can totally do this. It's hard, but you can do it. When it's next to impossible to do it for yourself, do it for your kids.
You may have to lower the number of calories you eat every day. You might have hit the point where you're on a maintenance diet for your new weight.
Kara
You can and will do this. Find ways to reward yourself, like maybe something new to sew. Or a child free day with a paid childminder. Or a date night with Mstt. Keep that measuring cup handy, it's all about portion size. Keep that water glass full. Don't keep handy snacky items in the house. No seconds or thirds. No cleaning up the boyz plates.
Keep at 'er woman, I am rooting for you.
You are incredible! And beautiful!
yes, your body too.
And maybe, if you want, you can go see what kind of birds are appearing in your yard today. I wonder, if Faro is ahead of Whitehorse in some ways (i'm sure it is:) but the climate more warm there, the birds might skip Whitehorse altogether.
And now i am at it, is your butterfly population anywhere close to Kino's?
your post is brave! i fell off the wagon so i am in position to comment but i wanted to say, you are my friggin' hero!
I've never been one to diet. It has and likely will always be the amount of excercise I get that controls my weight. It makes me feel more energized and I truly feel the effect of over-eating on the next hike, no mind games involved. Although I gained 15 lbs just over 2 weeks at xmas due to the yummy food consumed (thanks mom!), I've managed to lose it all plus more since soley through excercise. Curious, is it possible to binge eat with veggies and air popped popcorn and satisfy the addiction that way? Or is the true addiction of binge eating the sugars/salts that are consumed?
Go Kara go! Go Kara go! You are a fantastic person inside & out---you are so capable in so many other ways, don't let this feel like this is something you're not good at. If you have a setback, remember you're human and you are allowed to make mistakes---mistakes to move FORWARD from, not to feel so crummy about you take 5 steps back (ie. eating the whole cake cuz you feel bad for eating one slice!). Whenever you feel like giving in to the binge urge---BRUSH YOUR TEETH! DRINK WATER! HUG ONE OF THE BOYS AND TELL YOURSELF THEY AND YOU ARE WORTH SKIPPING THE UNNECESSARY FOOD.
I BELIEVE IN YOU :)
I wanted to come back and comment after seeing your more recent post about having now lost 33.5 pounds (Hunter's weight!!!). You did it - you got through this mental block!!! You are so strong and brave - when your mental block comes back, remember that you can get through it.
I think that in general "we" (that is the royal we of course) tend to be enablers. We want to make our friends / family feel happy in the moment and don't always think about the consequences. You are brave to be so open and to ask people directly how you want / need to be supported.
Come back and read these posts - look how proud all of these people are of you!!!
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