By Myself?

In the past three years I have not had a single day to myself. I have had three days spread over those three years where I was able to spend the day with Matt with no kids- two of those days were spent shopping to stock up on supplies while we were down south and the other was the day I was in the hospital waiting to deliver Cavan, so I don't know if that counts!

Three days in three years. That sure isn't much.

I love being a mom, but the lack of me time has been a struggle, especially when we went to having two kids. Last fall and winter I was eating to cope with what I believe now was postpartum depression and I was exhausted all of the time. I thought then that my desire to have more me time was selfish, but I am now coming to realize that it isn't selfish- it is necessary!

My husband is fantastic with giving me a break when I need it. He does most of the bedtime routine with the kids and they spend a lot of time outside with him so I can clean or cook in peace. But that break is never more than an hour or maybe two- enough time to clean and maybe have a few minutes to return emails without a kid in my lap.

Last year a friend here in town started operating a dayhome and I began sending Hunter there once every couple of weeks. It gave me some quality time with just Cavan and I was able to get a lot of house work done while he played with Hunter's toys without fear of his big brother taking them away. I found it worth the money to have that break for a day. Plus I get receipts and can always claim that expense at tax time.

This Friday my friend has space to take two kids and I have been going back and forth on the idea of having an entire day to myself. One minute I am thinking things like why am I wasting money when I don't work, am I not a good enough mom to take care of my own kids, how horrible will Cavan be since he is so sucky for mom right now, maybe I should keep one kid at home and on and on. But then I start thinking that yes I need the break! I have a list of sewing ideas a mile long that I want to try, I want to go fishing without kids, I want to go berry picking without kids, I want to go quadding without kids... Now I know that is more than I can do in one day, but it still gets me excited about eight hours kid free.

Talking with Matt last night he told me I deserve the break. We have decided that once a week I will send one kid to the dayhome and once a month we will try to have both kids go for the day. And on these days I will not spend the entire day doing housework. I will spend time doing tasks I want to do such as sewing. It will cost me about $230 a month, but that isn't a bad price to pay for my sanity!